Comment Wall
Here is a link to my Portfolio Project. This post is to be the comment wall for that project. Thanks for reading and know that I appreciate your feedback!
Introduction to a World Traveling Dog Loving Foodie
Hey everyone, my name's Casey. My major is Biology-Pre PA(Physician Assistant) and this is my second year at OU. I probably should have tacked on a Spanish minor as well, but I'm feeling a little stressed on time with this four-year graduation goal. I took 3 semesters of Spanish for my major, and I didn't realize how much I would miss it until now. I can feel it slipping out of my mind every day and I find myself google-translating words I used to know by heart. I'm thinking I might work on that if I don't get into PA school my first try. My boyfriend is Mexican and he nags me about continuing with Spanish because he knows I'm losing it quickly. Carlos is also the one who has pushed me to start traveling. He is the reason I went to Naples, Florida last spring break(this was the trip from my favorite place post ). Here are a couple more pictures from Florida because it was so beautiful and I'm kind of proud of my impromptu iPhone photography skills. (I...
Hi Casey,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I like the pictures you've chosen, both for your home page and to accompany the story. The ones with the story illustrate it quite nicely. I do have one suggestion for the home page. I think it would be nice if the writing picture were to the side of the contents instead of on top of them. Maybe it's because for now the contents are really short, but having them way down at the bottom makes them seem a little tacked on. As they grow that might change though.
Another suggestion is that it would be nice for the story name to be in the tab at the top, instead of just story 1. I think it would look a little more complete. If it does not fit, maybe just writing out the number would help.
I enjoyed your retelling of the story. It fits the original nicely, but in a different enough setting that I did not immediately recognize it.
Hello Casey,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story about the person going to earth and finding that it was destroyed, despite everything that you might have heard or known about it before hand. I can't wait to see what happens as you continue to work on your pieces and add them to the storybook.
What if, for future reference or even an idea for another story altogether, you thought about further exploring the events that made earth the way it is now? It would be entertaining to say the least to read about the tragic events that destroyed the earth. I also think it would be really cool if you came up with a title to really go with your piece and to enhance it that much more.
Overall, though, your writing is really good and you had really creative ideas for how to retell the story in an unusual and exciting way!
Hey there Casey, I am in love with the way your blog looks. The layout is perfect and the pictures just draw you in and want you to dive in. The introduction to the first story was perfect. Just enough said for me to get an idea of what it is going to be about but still leaving enough out to make me have to click on the link to read more. The layout of the story was nice. Putting it into sections is a great idea and breaking it up with that beautiful picture was great. I think the story was a little hard for me to read. Almost like I was wishing I was watching interstellar or a planet of the apes movie. In that way I would have known what happened to Earth while asleep. Also how long the piolet was asleep because it would be like a million years haha. But it was a great story and just took a different direction than I would, which is the great thing about these stories because each one can go a million different ways. Anyway good job on the story and keep up the portfolio.
ReplyDeleteHello Casey! I rarely read story with first person point of view, but your story is very well written and it is amazing that you point out one of the most important issue happening to Earth in your story. Using first person point of view, I can feel the emotions from your character and you totally nail it! One thing I am just a bit curious that why the main character does not know his home is destroyed? With the technologies, I thought that he can communicate with the people from earth. Your vocabularies and your sentences are easy to read and they flow smoothly. Also, I really like the images you put in your story as well as your banner because they provide visualizations for your story. It is great that you did not put your character into a deep slumber like that in the original story and something non-cliche like the survivals are his family, which is new and I like that. I really enjoy reading your story. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHi Casey! Your banner image is so beautiful! I like the description you gave for your first story on the home page. I was already excited to read your story just from that description. I also like that you used first person point of view to tell the story, it adds a level of depth to the reader’s knowledge of the main character’s emotions and thoughts in the story. The details you give are so vivid and I can imagine the setting perfectly and the actions going on around the main character. There are a few things I am curious of. How long did it take him to arrive home after programming his ship to return him to Earth? Also, did more time pass by while he was sleeping the second time around? Maybe you could tell the audience as a narrator or a 3rd person point of view to have it as dramatic irony where the audience knows but the main character doesn’t.
ReplyDeleteCasey I really enjoyed your story. Your images were so beautiful. I was excited to read the story since I first got to your homepage. I really liked your adaptation to the original story. I feel like it was well thought of seeing as how in today's world people image space travel more so than wandering through the desert. I was wondering if maybe there was an explanation in this story why he slept longer than he had initially planned. It is unlikely that he programmed to sleep for as long as he did. I understand in the original story he happened to sleep for a hundred years, however when it comes to space travel, it is often that some sort of malfunction occurs to cause the over sleep. Other than that I loved the story very well done.
ReplyDeleteHello Casey!! I loved your story because of its futuristic approach with the space adventure. I think you did a great job describing his feelings as he left and his passion for his work. I also really enjoyed how you told the story because it left such uncertainty that kept the reader wanting to learn more about what had happened. One thing I was wondering was what the gas was that made him pass out due to his anxiety. I was also wondering what the reactions of the kids who found the space ship were. I was thinking what if you added a section describing what they felt as they found a random space ship. I was also thinking what if you had him see what they had to say about what had taken place on earth. What if you had a section describing some of the events that did ruin the earth from what he had known it to be? Overall great story Casey the details were great. I loved the section including the initials that he found from the tree. Great Job!!
ReplyDelete• Casey, I enjoyed your story When Home is No Longer Home. I felt very close to the main character when he arrived to Earth the first time and was distraught looking for his family. The description of finding where his home used to be made the loss of his family seem more real. You also did a great job of helping me picture what Earth might have looked like in both scenes. I was a little confused on the time frame for the story though. He is in space for 10 years and everything disappeared on Earth and then he is asleep for an unknown number of years and everything is reborn on Earth. I was also curious how he was not able to learn anything about what happened on Earth while he was asleep. Even though the idea seemed “taboo” to the people it would be nice if there was some closure to the reason for the loss of his family.
ReplyDeleteHi Casey, I really enjoyed your first story on your portfolio. What I liked the most is that you chose the approach to set the story in the future to give a better explanation or understanding compared to the Rabbi's story. The idea of the ship and going off into space was very convincing and having the ship automatically dispense the anti-anxiety gas, was brilliant. It gave it a more reasonable explanation than that of the Rabbi just waking up a century later. The design on your portfolio is awesome. I'm currently working on mine but I'm sure I could take a few things from your webpage. I'll definitely be back to read some more of your stories and to see what more you can add to the different stories. By the way the pictures you chose for your story were spot on to fit the description of where your story took place.
ReplyDeleteHello Casey! I enjoyed reading your first story. The introduction paragraph kept me interested to continue reading. This is an interesting choice for one of your short stories. It is very creative and well written. I love the picture you chose for your first story. It is quite beautiful. I read recently some writing tips online. This website said that you should write with cause and effect, which means that you explain why the character does something before saying they do whatever action it is. I am not very good at explaining that, but I noticed that you used this technique, whether you knew it or not. It lets readers stay focused, so that they do not pause and would have to think about why your character is doing what they are doing before it is explained. That problem can lead to readers not wanting to continue a story or getting sidetracked. I was very pleased to see that you explained beforehand and it was interesting to read your story.
ReplyDeleteHello! First and foremost, I LOVED the new setting of your story "When Home is no Longer Home."
ReplyDeleteIt was so creative and interesting for you to make this story in the future and I really enjoyed the detail that you put into explaining the job and purpose of going to space.
When I read your story I was wondering how much family he left at home, and if he was close to them. Did he have a spouse and kids, or was his family just his own parents and extended family? I was also wondering if there was another motivation for going away for so long on the job other than the money. What if his family needed the money to pay for a loved one's medical bills or college? I feel like ten years is a huge sacrifice and unless he was not that close with his family the motivation for the extra money must have been extreme.
Great work on this! I genuinely enjoyed reading this story.
Okay, what in the world kind of credentials did this kid have to get a job like that? That is an out-of-this-world job offer if I ever have seen one. And a decade came and went like the snap of a finger. That's kind of interesting. I think most people would have wanted to focus on that part of their story, but that wasn't the main part for you. Anti-anxiety gas. Did the Celestial Pharmaceuticals company create that as well? Your storytelling in this first story seems so backwards, but it's kind of fun to read. What will come next? Will his ship malfunction again? He may never wake up, and whole civilizations will build history museums around the sleeping man in the rocket ship. Now speaking of your portfolio website in general, the home page has a good feel to it. It actually seems welcoming due to the beach front at the top and the picture of the writing girl.
ReplyDeleteCasey,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, brilliant banner images! I could not believe the picture on your home page was personally taken in Hawaii. I like the premise of covering a variety of short stories. I think this prevents you from being constrained to one theme or a singular story and instead allows you to explore multiple options. Like I said previously, you have some great images on your home page, and I am curious as to how those tie in! I wasn't sure about the connection with the beach picture, but perhaps that is simply for aesthetics. Will you be adding a thumbnail image with each story as you continue to expand the content? Maybe that would provide some incentive for your audience to explore the stories.
I loved your first story. It reminded me of several movies that I've seen, namely Interstellar, The Martian, and Wall-E. There is such an attractive element of futuristic stories like these! I can't imagine being in the position of your character, coming back to an earth entirely unrecognizable, only to fall asleep and wake to a different planet, again! Perhaps you could add some more details to the renewed description of earth at the end of the story. I also think that the emotional aspect of the story would be more potent if you described the character's family at the beginning. This would make his loss more meaningful!
Casey, I was glad that I got your name in the randomizer again! I read the previous version of this story, as well, and this one has been much improved. Everything flowed better than it had before. Also, I remember being a bit confused in the original story when the man got off of the ship the first time. You have cleared up any confusion that I had. I also felt a lot more of an emotional connection to this one. It is a tragedy that the man was financially dragged into doing this expedition when he really did not want to. This is so relatable for so many people. A lot of hardships are placed on families every day in this same manner. I thought that Interstellar was a very sad, tragic movie, as well, and I definitely see the correlation here. You've done a nice job of adding your own voice to this story. The only comment that I have is changing the title. Give it something more intriguing than "Story 1". Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Casey!
ReplyDeleteI really love how you jumped right into such a deep story. What do you think about splitting the details of the job and the back story of his wife into two paragraphs? I think that it may help your story flow a bit more.
I really love the placement of your photos and that there are several of them. I think that is serves as a nice breather in the story while also giving your reader some imagery as to what he must have seen.
The turn in the story when he came home was brilliant and unexpected. It pulled me in and made me want to find out what all was going on and what he was experiencing. Great job!
I also love how you ended with yet another plot twist. It left me wondering why no one admitted him into a hospital or anything upon being found. Maybe he was first discovered by those children? I would love a few details in that last paragraph explaining. I also was curious as to how he stayed alive. Did the ship have some sort of pod that allowed him to sleep through time?
Overall, great story full of creativity! I really enjoyed reading!
Hi Casey,
ReplyDeleteI have already been to your website before and enjoyed your stories so it was easy for me to come back and read another one of your stories! I read Hide and Seek on your portfolio website and thought it was great. First of all, the pictures that you used for your banner and the one you chose for the story are awesome and fit perfectly with the setting of your story. I thought you did a great job using dialogue and a lot of detail in your story which made it easy to visualize. I think the one the you could maybe change is having the man put up more of a fight since it seemed to easy that the woman with the bat swung one time and killed him. I feel that would give the story a little more suspense but other than that great job!
Hi Casey!
ReplyDeleteGreat project so far! Overall you have done a fantastic job on your project. The way you have incorporated the images is so cool - really makes it feel like a movie - and I really appreciate the way you have changed up the story. I want to give you a major shoutout for your creative writing - I find it so difficult but I feel like you really pulled it off! It had just enough dialogue to be interesting but was't overly long or rushed! And it felt really relevant with your bit about Climate change and the futuristic technology! Great job! I think the front page could use a little bit of an introduction to the overall theme and maybe giving the stories names instead of just "Story one" would be helpful to add a little more flare - then again it was kind of fun just jumping right in to your stories and having to figure out the context for myself! Great job and have a great week!
The summaries of you stories on the content page really grabbed my attention and made me want to read more. I really liked the setting of your first story, it reminded me a lot of the film Interstellar. I honestly liked that you decided to not have the protagonist’s family survive, since the chances are incredibly slim. I also like that you included an emotional scene, where he fell to his knees and cried. In the end he chose to deal with the new world even though he lost his entire family. It definitely gives the protagonist a new characteristic. For the second story, I want to say that Mabel is a badass old lady and she is well written. I enjoyed reading this story and I liked how you got to see both sides of the tale with Mabel asking them both. That last sentence was an great end to this story. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your stories and I am looking forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Casey! I read your first story when you first wrote it on your blog, so I'll just comment on the second. This story was so engaging all the way through, and I like that the two women are able to team up against the criminal! The dialect of your characters fit the cabin in the woods setting very nicely and made the story more vivid for me. Reading your author's note, I completely agree that it would be stupid to take someone into your home and never ask why they were being chased. It was a great idea to let the criminal's pursuer tell her side of the story, and it fit so naturally into the story that I thought it was part of the original story's plot! The only thing I would look at if you're still doing revisions is in the first set of dialogue, where the crazy woman persists and Mable says "I'm sure." This part was a little confusing for me at first because the woman's persistence and Mable's response are in the same paragraph, so I thought it was the crazy woman saying "I'm sure." Maybe you could either split this up into two paragraphs or add a bit of dialogue for the crazy woman, such as "Are you sure?" to make things a bit more clear. This story was so entertaining and well-written, and I wish you luck with the rest of your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteHi Casey! I'm from the Indian Epics course! I really enjoyed both of your stories. They were dark in an interesting and thoughtful way. I hadn't read either of the original stories, but from your note, I think you captured the original essence very well and gave them your own spin. I would have liked to see more sadness and detail in the first story about the man's life and emotions, as I felt a little disconnected from him. Sad stories are always a good time to give additional detail for hard-hitting emotions! Aside from that, the story was very eery and fun to read! The second story flowed very well, although a few times I wasn't sure who was speaking the dialogue. I thought the pictures really added to your descriptions, and perfectly meshed with your stories! They made me want to read more of your work and I'm curious as to what the rest of your project will be like.
ReplyDeleteHey Casey! I loved reading all your stories! They were so detailed and so fun to read. They immediately drew me in; your writing style is great! I also like how you made the stories a little dark or had a small twist in each of them, while also making the last two stories end happily. It was a nice balance and it fits into the whole portfolio project well! I especially loved the pictures you picked to accompany your stories at the end! They fit with the story's plot and theme really well. I think the only suggestion I have is instead of making the header "Story One," Story Two," and "Story Three," maybe actually write the names of each story as the header! Great job on your portfolio overall though! It was really well put together :)
ReplyDeleteHi Casey!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your first two short stories. When Home is No Longer Home reminded me a little bit of Interstellar or The Martian. I think mixing the idea of sleeping through generations with space travel was a really clever one. Also after reading your author's note, I agree that having the man stay awake and learn to live in the real world was a much better ending. If I had one suggestion it would be to maybe have the character mourn his family in a little more detail. It felt like you skimmed over his grief in order to get to the end of the story. I also really enjoyed your second story, Hide and Seek. I thought the twist at the end, though a little dark, was very clever. I also thought the dialogue provided a great sense of the setting and accents of the characters. Great work and I look forward to reading more of your work!
-Elizabeth
Hi Casey!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness I loved "When Home is no Longer Home!" Your writing style is fantastic! I was literally on the edge of my seat during the entire story!!
I am unlike you in the sense that I love killing off characters! My own life is about as far away from tragic as you can get so I love when things get super sad in stories! Obviously I loved the way your second story, "Hide and Seek" turned out! Again, your writing style is fantastic and completely draws the reader in! I think you could benefit from adding in a little more description of your characters though. It's easy to understand their motives but it's hard to picture what they look like.
I really appreciate that you cut out all the extra stuff from the original story in your third story, "Goldenrod." just reading that summary gave me a headache! Again, a little more character description would be great! And, if you have the time, it might be interesting to hear this story from a first person point of view. I think hearing it from the evil stepmother would be interesting! Of course, that's a whole re-write which would take a while. Just an interesting idea!
I love your style and I'll definitely be coming back to see the finished product!!
Hello, again!
ReplyDeleteSo I have already commented on your portfolio, but that was then you only had the story When Home is no Longer Home. Since I really loved your story When Home is no Longer Home I was very excited to read your new stories that you have since added to your portfolio.
So first of all Hide and Seek was such a surprise! I honestly did not expect the kind innocent ladies to kill the man but I do love a great twist! Also, the first picture on the page did a great job of illustrating the setting deep in the woods. As I read through the story I did have a few questions.
As I was reading I wondered when this story took place. If it were me, I definitely would have called the police when a crazed man came to my door, but maybe this was in a time where phones were not invented or they were too far in the woods for the phones to work. Also, the cabin picture makes it seem like this story occurred in wintertime when there was snow on the ground so I wondered how they managed to shovel through frozen ground? Maybe there could be a description of the difficulty to dig past the snow and ice and so a shallow grave it would be?
Jumping to the end of the story, I wondered if the older woman had experience with murder before, since she handled the situation so calmly? Maybe her roses were always beautiful and her secret to her prized rose bushes was the bodies underneath them?
Anyways, your portfolio is really coming along nicely and you have done some great work!
Hello Casey!
ReplyDeleteLet me start out by saying that I love the way that your blog looks. I can tell that you have spent a lot of time and effort focusing on the visuals of your blog. The pictures that you have chose really helps the reader picture what is going on in your stories. Your first story When Home is No Longer Home is really well put together. I really can not imagine what it would be like to come home to a destroyed home. You did a really good job at portraying this. Your second story Hide and Seek, was a “WOW” story for me. I really enjoyed this story and have no suggestions. This story had it all. It was short and sweet but wonderfully told. Your final story Goldenrod, was wonderful. I read the source text this week for my reading. I enjoyed your new take on the story.
Hi Casey!
ReplyDeleteWow, I am so glad the random generator got me to your project today. Each one of your stories were so beautifully written, and I loved the image choices. The images were sharp, and each story was tied together with the images you chose. Out of the three stories, I really loved the first one "When Home is No Longer Home". I could just feel the emotional pain that your main character was going through as he made sacrifices for his family, and when he returned, it was all gone. This seemed like a story that could definitely be turned into a movie about the future. I can just see it. I wish there was a part two to this story, because I enjoyed it so much. I liked that you retold this story from a futuristic perspective, because I never would have guessed the original story wasn't like this if it wasn't for your author's note. You did a wonderful job and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your project!
Hi Casey! First of all, you are so talented! Your stories were so much fun to read. My favorite part about “Hide and Seek “ was the suspense you added into the story! I wanted to keep reading to find out whom the man was, and more about that lady that entered Mable’s house. Speaking of her, I wanted to know more about Mable. That was the only thing I really wondered about in your story. What if you talked a bit more about her life? Other than that, the story was great. My favorite part about “Goldenroad” was how your main character falls in love. I thought their love story was very cute. I also liked how the prince was thinking about the bet for his wife, but his best turned out to be the worst, but it wasn’t his fault. I thought this was such a different and unique story.
ReplyDeleteHey Casey!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed all of the writing you did. I especially enjoyed the Goldenrod story. The way you were able to create a whole new story from just the parts you liked from the original is wonderful. The original story sounds a little crazy and sad so I did enjoy your version of the story a lot more. I was happy when the evil stepmother got what she deserved at the end of the story. I was questioning what the father was doing all this time and why he traveled so much so maybe you could put some detail into that just for the readers to understand where he is during the time of the step mother being evil. Other than that, I thought this story was very interesting and love ended up conquering all.
Hello Casey!
ReplyDeleteA future setting for you story, nice choice. Honestly it is the first one out of the class I have read that takes place in the future. Great choice of photos for the story but it kind of gave away what he was going to come back to when he arrived back on Earth. The ending about wanting to find descendants is a nice set-up for the next story. I never read the story that this originated from so thank you for the author's note. I might have to check that one out. The design is great and it read nice. You could visualize everything as it was happening and I wouldn't change anything. If you were to do anything I would possibly add some description of where he was in space or what he was looking for. Maybe some more information on the company he worked for.
Hey Casey!
ReplyDeleteI've returned to your storybook, and got a chance to read more of your work. I am not sure when I commented last time whether your story Goldenrod was up yet or not. However, getting to read this story was a great! I liked how you picked and chose what parts you wanted to keep, what parts you wanted to get rid of, and what parts you wanted to develop more. I like the pictures you chose, and the outlook of this page in general. Something that I really liked about this page in general was that you chose to put the image information at the end of the page. I think sometimes that image information can be a little distracting and takes away from the essence of a story when reading through, so I'll definitely try to do what you have done here in my next story. I am so glad I got to revisit your page before the semester ended, and I hope to return and see if there's a fourth story you decide to write. Nice job!
Hi Casey!
ReplyDeleteI am from the other class and I decided to give feedback on your project this week. There was definitely something that drew me in. I was excited to see that you put a Table of Contents on your home page. I did that on my own project and I think it was a good addition. It lets your readers have a little dose of what to expect. I have been suggesting that idea to a lot of my own classmates so I was happy to see you implementing it as well! Obviously since I am from the other class, I am not familiar with the original stories. However, I think you did an excellent job with your summaries in your Author’s Notes. I also think that your stories were so well written that I would have been just find going in blindly without an Author’s Note. I am really glad I got the chance to look around at your project. Way to go!
Hey there, Casey!
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time to check out your portfolio. I was really excited to have the opportunity to read some completely new stories this week. I was impressed with the overall layout of your project. I think that it looks very professional and adds a nice touch to the quality of the presentation. I do not think that can be understated. I decided to read your most recent story, so I could give more relevant feedback. Your initial description during the story provides a great sense of feeling. It made it easy to imagine what was taking place and really gave a nice picture of the setting. I loved the fact that the ant king was a mouthy little person. He was very confident and boastful of what he had accomplished by tying down the scholar. I think the dialogue adds a really nice touch to the story. It was funny to see the conversation build up to a high point. I laughed when the scholar finally collapsed and begged to join the ants. I was expecting the scholar to eventually turn on the ants and try to kill them all. What if you used that for a possible sequel with the next inhabitant of the house? Overall, it was a really great story.
Hey Casey,
ReplyDeleteIt was great reading your project! I know I read through it earlier in the semester but the new stories that you added were great! I really enjoyed "When Home is No Longer Home" because it reminded me of Interstellar. I do not know if you have seen that movie but it is a really great film. I thought you were going that route with the story because when traveling through space the body ages differently than on earth! So when he came back I thought the reason that time had seemed to passed on earth quickly is because there was not much aging done on the main character while traveling through space! The story itself was structured very well and I did enjoy it a lot! I also noticed that you changed the stories a bit from the last time I read them and the slight changes made it easier to read and understand! I hope the rest of your semester goes well and you kill your finals! Thank you for sharing your stories, I really enjoyed them!
Hi Casey,
ReplyDeleteIt was really fun getting to read your project. I am glad I got to it this late in the semester! Your portfolio is well put together and I really enjoyed all your stories. My favorite story was "Hide and Seek". It has such an original plot of tricking someone. The build up of the story kept me on my toes becuase I didn't know whether or not to trust the first man, or the woman that he said was coming for him. I even thought they might of been working to together to still from the innocent old lady. Mable ended up seeming like a funny old lady who didn't take any hell from anybody. You did a great job of giving a unique voice to each character and that made the story much more fun to read. I hope your semester went will and you do great on your finals!
Hi, Casey! I remembered reading and enjoying the stories that you had written, so I decided to revisit your portfolio. As I read your story it started to seem familiar, I’m not sure if I had read the original before or if there was another version of this story. But overall, I enjoyed your retelling of the story. The changes that you made allowed the story to seem more realistic. I liked that you excluded the prince to remarry because it makes it seem like he does not lover her entirely, which conflicts with the characterization of the prince. I was kind of curious if the stepmother was raising the children in a compassionate manner or if she was treating them like Goldenrod? The Night of the Little Men was not a tale I was familiar with, but from what I read I liked your extension of the story. I agree that as a scholar there would be an appeal to study the little men as opposed to killing them. This was a really great portfolio and I enjoyed reading each story.
ReplyDelete